Aside from clothes, books, toys, spin-off TV shows, phone cases, playing cards, school supplies, film cells, marital aids, jewelry, Halloween costumes, cooking supplies, stickers, and posters, there aren’t very many ways for people to make extra money off movies, and that’s where video games come in. Now, everybody knows movies that aren’t sequels, remakes, or spin-offs are generally pretty terrible, but the holy grail of great videogames are the movie-licensed games, and here are the best ones:
Forest Gump (Wii)
Have you ever seen a mentally-handicapped Vietnam veteran on a park bench telling strangers his entire life story and wondered why a team of developers hasn’t sat down and spent years adapting that magic into a Wii game? Well, wonder no more, because now it’s a reality with Forest Gumpii. This game leaves out all the boring parts of the movie like running, fishing, shooting and simply leaves the exhilarating nature of finding feathers and explaining candy packaging to people.
2001: A Space Odyssey (PC)
Your PC doesn’t do a very good job of trying to kill you for 3 hours and then gives you a hit of DMT at the end.
Unlike the movie, this game has nothing to do with dreams, heists, shooting or Joseph Gordon-Levitt making Ellen Page realize her love for estrogen. Instead, you play a game where your character is playing a game, where that character is playing a game, where that character is playing a game. The graphics get progressively worse and worse until you eventually are just pushing a hoop with a stick.
12 Angry Men (DS)
This turn-based RPG makes you wait 11 turns just to get in one sentence.
Memento (Xbox 360)
Unlike any other 360 game, it doesn’t allow you to save, and every time you start it, it starts at a different point; but just like every other 360 game, it freezes every 15 minutes.
Pulp Fiction (Nintendo 64)
A clear GoldenEye ripoff, but with the characters from Pulp Fiction. There’s only one gun on the map, and the other weapons are a bag of heroin, a samurai sword, and foot massages. You only get one life in the game — you still come back after you die, but that’s just a result of nonlinear storytelling.