It’s not easy for everybody to be fancy, especially you losers. Luckily I got the drop on being fancy before it got mainstream.
Get a monkey – Is there anything funnier than a monkey? Yes, a drunk monkey. Get one for yourself so it can get you beer and throw feces at poor people without monkeys.
Make sure your monocle doubles as a flask – If you’re not wearing a monocle right now you’re probably reading the wrong website. So big whoop, you have a monocle; does it double as a flask? Didn’t think so, step your game up.
Get a driver – Is there anything funnier than a drunk monkey? Yes, a drunk monkey getting a DUI. Except now you don’t have a driver, so just hire Morgan Freeman to drive you around. Case closed.
Drink PBR out of a champagne glass – Just kidding that’s stupid, man up.
Paraphernalia accessories – Let’s say you need to move to your new mansion in the Bahamas. Where are you going to put your bong? Buckled in the front seat? Morgan Freeman isn’t going to approve of your fancy-less tact. Maybe you have 100 pipes; that’s not fancy even if they’re bedazzled. What you need to do is get a fancy hat to go with each pipe.
Eat diamonds on the regular – Is there anything funnier than a drunk monkey getting a DUI? Yes, a drunk monkey getting a DUI throwing your diamond filled feces at police officers.